E Feel so terrible

2012-10-12 17.25.16

You know the kind of feeling that you should do this and not do that… You are trapped in a bad conversation, a kind of should be a supportive conversation but ends up in a attacking kind of conversation.

The topic not suits your mood (or violate your life value) and you deliver your point of view badly so the people who told you the stories feel discouraged, unappreciated,  but you cant help yourself to talk in such horrible way.

You dont know what happen and suddenly, you burst out with anger, disappointment, bad memories start to appear and you end up from being a listener to accuser. You have failed to practice golden rule: do what you want other do to you..

you cant undone things, conversation, past. Surely being connected with human is one of the most impossible things to do.. we do so much easier connecting with food for chef, human body for surgeon, numbers for accountant, codes for programmer..

i just feel terrible and sorry doesn’t solve it. The feeling left in me is guilt, and still a desire to attacking and hold to what i thing is the only truth.

I cant imagine, how if it happen to husband and wife? Its gonna be a nightmare you cant escape.. and it just getting worse day by day…How you gonna survive? How can you see and look directly in the eye the person who have hurt you so badly e-v-e-r-y-s-i-n-g-l-e-d-a-y? No one will ever survive that kind of torture.

— E —

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